...And Speaking of Clothing

Here is a piece of advice, If you are over the age of 25 you should NEVER go outside without a bra. It's not sexy, it's nasty. Trust me on this one, I wouldn't lie to you about a thing like this.

Rant #5 BeBe Sport--just because they make it in your size................

Many of you may not be familiar with the retailer BeBe. BeBe is a trendy women's' clothing store whose close are mostly for going out and partying. You won't find anything there to wear to work, unless, of course, you work as a call girl. All of their clothes are tight and shiny and have the words "BeBe" spelled out in rhinestones on nearly everything.

BeBe has an offshoot store for "workout" attire not surprisingly titled BeBe Sport, which in this case is an oxymoron. The same theme applies, everything is tight and shiny. But instead of having "BeBe" in rhinestones, it now has "BeBe Sport."

BeBe Sport, as you may have guessed, is not for working out. BeBe Sport clothes are for gym bunnies. Gym Bunnies (and every gym has them) are those women who come out on the floor in full makeup, perfect hair (usually blonde), with cute, matching outfits--even the gym bag and shoes match, and they stand around hoping to find a date or a husband. Of course, what they don't know is all of the good looking men in any given gym are either gay or married, and often both. (As a good friend once told me, " you've got to suck a lot of d*!k to get abs like that!"). Most of the time these women are young, and cute, and slim, and don't need to workout all that much.

I am ok with all of this, but here is my problem with BeBe Sport. They've opened one directly across the street from my gym and every fat, middle-aged, lonely housewife within a 20 mile radius now squeezes their flabby ass into these tight and shiny outfits and I am visually assaulted every time I walk in the gym! It's nauseating. I would love to stand outside of their doors with a picket sign showing photos of size 18 women wearing tight belly shirts and spandex pants like those crazy right-to-life people who tout photos of aborted fetuses in front of WalMart.

So the moral of the story is: Just because they make it in your size, doesn't mean you should wear it. In the case of BeBe Sport, if you don't look like the mannequin before you put on the outfit, you will not look like the mannequin afterward, let it go. That's why you are going to gym in the first place.

AIG

What the fuck??!!??

Rant #3 Organic Foods

This isn't really a complaint about any company in particular, it's just my view about the concept of organic food. I know that organic foods are suppose to be healthier for you because they don't use pesticides and preservatives. But you know what? I like pesticides and preservatives. Why? Because they kill pests and preserve my food! I am all for healthy, but it does me no good if the food only last as long as the car ride home from the market! People who eat only organic are constantly circling the grocery store the same way folks who drive those big gas-guzzling SUVs constantly circle the petro station. And they pay a premium for the privilege of doing so.

Now if you eat only organic, please don't send me any hate mail. I don't advocate that you stop. I am just saying for me, I will just stick with the conventional. I have been eating preservatives my entire life, and I seem to be ok. Besides, I have never known anyone to drop dead from eating really red tomatoes..........

I Hate Ganley Volkswagen: UPDATE

The other day, much to my surprise, I received a form letter from a Ms. Joy Pablo, Service Customer Manager and Loaner Coordinator at Ganley Volkswagen of Bedford. In part, the letter reads:

Dear Yolanda Medina, (that's not how you spell my name)

I would like to personally thank you for your recent visit to our Service Department.

We want to be certain that your experience has been satisfactory. We strive to ensure that the worked performed on your VW has clearly been explained to you. As you develop confidence in us, we hope that you will recommend Ganley VW of Bedford for all your service and sales needs.

It is very important to us to be aware of any areas that may require attention regarding your service experience. If at any time you cannot give us score of Very Satisfied, please be sure to call me at 440-439-3444 or email me at jpablo@ganleyauto.com. I will be glad to work with you to resolve any concerns or questions you may have. This information enables us to improve our performance thereby satisfying your service needs. "Complete Satisfaction" for all of our customers is our goal..........................

Since she was kind enough to invite me to email her, this was my response:

Ms. Pablo,

My name is Yalanda Medina, and I received your letter in which you personally wanted to thank me for my recent visit to your service department. Why exactly you sent me this letter I do not know seeing as how I have never heard of you, or from you, in the 5+ weeks my car was at your dealership. My experience with your "service" department was nothing short of a nightmare and at no time was I ever contacted by you on anyone else from Ganley who fancied themselves concerned about my complete satisfaction.

Since you obviously have no idea of the situation, let me bring you up to speed. I host a weekly consumer advocate blog dedicated to exposing the rapid decline of customer service. Below is an excerpt from that blog detailing my experience with Ganley...................................

That was 4 days ago. Guess what? She hasn't written me back.

Rant #2 Edy's No Sugar Added, Low Fat, Coffee Flavored Ice Cream

As a former fat ass (or fatter ass), I have an unnatural obsession with the foods that I consume. I am constantly calculating calories, fat (both saturated and unsaturated), sugar, salt, good carbs, bad carbs, the glycemic index, whole foods, processed foods, organic foods, etc. This is both time consuming and mentally exhausting.

Needless to say, a low fat, low carb, no sugar added, reduced sodium diet is also low in taste. (There are only 3 things that make food taste good: salt, fat, and sugar,....... so you see my dilemma). Given this, when I find something that fits the above criteria and still has some taste, I consider this a major accomplishment.

Which brings me to Edy's No Sugar Added, Low Fat, Coffee Flavored Ice Cream. I am sure without adding sugar and fat it's not really ice cream, but what ever it is, for what it is, it tastes great. It was one of the few food pleasures I could enjoy in my quest to fulfill all of the beauty standards set forth by balding white men on Madison Avenue.

As I was shopping at my local grocery store, I took notice that Edy's had reduced the container of ice cream from 1.75 quarts to 1.5 quarts, but the price was exactly the same! Now this is not a new practice. Many companies reduce amounts and it is very, very sneaky and underhanded. (the biggest offenders are ice cream, pasta sauces, and cereal). Companies count on consumers not noticing because the reductions are so small, and unless you read the label, most people don't notice. But because of my obsession, I read labels all the time. But I didn't even have to read the label on Edy's because my local grocer was kind enough to put the old packaging and the new packaging side by side to make it very easy for the customer to see they were being screwed out of .25 quarts of ice cream!

It goes without saying that I was livid. Why, you might ask, am I so upset now when this practice has been going on for so long and it involves so many other products? Frankly, it's because I don't eat those other products! I very rarely buy prepackaged foods, and I really don't think farmers are conspiring to secretly shrink the size of an ear of corn or acorn squash.

I complained to everyone who would listen. I went on about it so much that I got a call from CBS Marketwatch to do an interview! Finally, my day had come! I was to go on national television and get the folks over at Edy's told once and for all!! (did I mention this was national television? prime time baby!) I was going to expose their little scam and shame them into giving me back my .25 quarts of coffee ice cream and make them apologize to the public for their deceit.

And so I give my seething interview chastising Edy's, but it was overshadowed by John McCain suspending his campaign and running back to Washington to solve our financial crisis.. (I wonder how that turned out...). I never heard from Edy's. I suspect they didn't give a damn. They didn't even send me a lousy coupon. I admit, I still eat Edy's coffee ice cream, but now I only buy it if it is on sale and I have a coupon, therefore I eat it way less often than I use to, which is actually a good thing for both me and the boys on Madison Ave.